Jodie, Jodie, Jodie, why have you forsaken me?

At Penn's 250th Commencement Jodie Foster ,the guest speaker, quotes Eminem from his song "Lose Yourself". Oh dear.

My first time

I'm no prude, but is it really necessary to have a colouring book about such a personal moment?

Stuff on my Cat

I know I'm a dog person... but I've been known to love the occasional kitty! (No reading into this Mista Buena)

Stuff on my Cat

I'm legal!

We went en masse this morning to the immigration police station to pick up our residency cards! Awesome. It's only been 6 months since we applied. I was a little concerned by the posters in the waiting room that showed a person sneezing and snot flying everywhere with a big red line through it. It's an anti-tuberculocis campaign and it's aimed at nasty foreigners like myself who apparently sneeze with out covering our noses and mouths. Sheesh!

Just before our number came up to go into one of the interview rooms, Jack went off to the bathroom with James. When they got back, I was already in the room and Jack marched in and told the officer, "I did a big cowboy poop in the toilet!"

They gave us our residency cards regardless.

Lemur Love

I had to post a close-up of the meditating lemurs! Look at their little fingers!

Artis Zoo

Jack and I went to the Artis Zoo today. It was freezing but at least it wasn't raining. The zoo was empty. We had all the exhibits to ourselves and there were no lineups at the cafeteria. I got us a family pass to the zoo which is good for a year. It also gives us free admission to the zoos in Antwerp and Rotterdam. We also got some complimentary passes for our guests for 4 visits.
OK. It's really freaky how close you can get to the animals at this zoo. I could practically smell the 'dead bunny' on this leopard's breath.

Jack and the Giant T-Rex. I love the fact that this zoo is in the middle of the city - you can see the canal houses in the background.

I like to move it, move it. (A reference only a parent of a toddler who watched Madagascar repeatedly will get.) These lemurs were the hit of the zoo today. They only come out when the sun came out from behind the clouds. And they all scurry about and get in position and sit in this zen-like lotus pose - complete with their little hands out to the sides. OHMMMM!

I don't know what the hell these things are but I thought they were so cool. They looked a bit like rabbits but they were huge. Dunno.. maybe a Jackalope?

Penguins are always fun. "Smile and wave boys... smile and wave."

Just something so creepy about the way these meerkats stare at you. Kinda like, don't get too comfortable big dopey humans... don't you know that the "meer" will inherit the earth?

We represent the Lollipop Kids

It was a 4-day weekend and we had such plans! Alas, it rained all 4 days and plans had to be changed. One plan stayed in place - a visit to the Dolfinarium! We promised Jack that we would see the dolphins and we just couldn't let him down even though it poured rain the whole day.
Despite the rain, we had a really great time. The Dolfinarium was sorta like Marineland but with a conservation slant to it. They have this dolphin exhibit that is actually part of the sea and you can watch the dolphins cruise all around. They also do dolphin therapy with special needs kids and they have a sleep over party where kids can stay overnight at the park and sleep beside the dolphin tank. Naturally, they have an indoor show where they play with toys and swim with the trainers and stuff too. We sat in the first row and Jack was just in awe of the whole thing.

Another big hit was the ray/baby shark petting tank. I'm not sure if Jack liked the fish as much as getting to stick his hands in water. We could only get Jack away from it by promising him something from the gift shop. After collecting one of every stuffed animal in the joint, we managed to leave with just a turtle and a t-shirt.
I definitely will go back. It's only an hour away.

And finally... a pic of me with a giant 15 Euro lollipop!

Happy Birthday to me

I had a fantastic birthday yesterday. Even though I turned 35 - which I am still in denial about. Thanks to all my friends and family who called or emailed to wish me a happy birthday. James and Jack got me some lovely gifts: a Nike training watch, chocolate truffles, Lonely Planet guide to Croatia, a bouquet of Gerbera daisies and this massive mirror that I wanted from this cute little shop in the Pipe. Watta score! Also, Natalie brought me a bouquet of roses when she came to look after Jack. We did the birthday cake first with Jack because he thought it was his birthday too. And then James and I headed out to Fifteen, the Jamie Oliver restaurant. It was incredible. We had champagne to start and some roasted veg and Italian meats and cheeses to start. Then we had giant ravioli that was stuffed with braised rabbit and we drank a nice Valopocella wine. For our main dish we had the grilled swordfish on mashed potatos. And we finished with some coffee and rhubarb crumble with creme fraiche. Dee-licious. Here are some pics:

Welcome to the Jungle, Betch

OK. This has to be my favourite celeb trash story of the year. I can't feckin believe it. A cage match between washed-up plastic surgery mistake, Axl Rose and bass-mouth fashion mo, Tommy Hilfiger. Why wasn't I there?

NEW YORK — It was a one-two encounter between Axl Rose and Tommy Hilfiger — with no harm done, except for a bruiser of a little story. The rocker and designer capped a Thursday evening out at a new club called The Plumm in Manhattan's Chelsea neighborhood with midnight fisticuffs.

The scuffle reportedly started after the Guns N' Roses front man moved the drink of Hilfiger's girlfriend, Dee Ocleppo.According to the 44-year-old singer, Hilfiger, 55, smacked him in the arm and told him to put the drink back.

"And I said, 'I don't want it to spill.' And he said, 'It's not going to spill.' And I said, 'Well, I don't want to sit on it.' And he said, 'You're not going to blanking sit on it,"' Rose explained. "He just kept smacking me," Rose said.

The outside-the-ring faceoff was apparently a one-sided performance, with Hilfiger reportedly taking two swings at the hefty Rose, who was there to play a surprise set for "Rent" actress Rosario Dawson for her 27th birthday party.

"I was very happy that Axl showed restraint. He went on and performed anyway," Ashman said. Hilfiger was escorted from the club by his own security guards. Rose stayed to perform, and dedicated the song "You're Crazy" to "my good friend Tommy Hilfiger." Globe & Mail

Shoes

Sista Mary Buena sent me this link:

Shoes!

I'm sure that Sista Heehawk will approve!

Happy May 24 Weekend

James and I went to the NFL Europe game on Saturday. The Amsterdam Admirals lost to the Hamburg Sea Devils. But no matter. They're going to the World Bowl anyway. We had great seats again - I could never imagine having seats like this at a regular NFL game in the States.

I know this is really sexist but men look soooooooooo good in football pants. Yum. Even the fat linebackers look dee-lish. Maybe it's the big shoulder pads, too.

Fifteen - Score!

I scored a reservation for my birthday at the ultra trendy 'Fifteen' restaurant. A Jamie Oliver exclusive. Hoo-ha!

Young Love

This is just a throwback pic of Jack and Ella! Aren't they sweet. He was puttin the moves on her even back then.

Holla.. we want pre-nup!

Oy! Oy! Oy! Poor ol' Paul. Thought he was getting a sweet deal marrying Heather. Puhleeze. I am sure that Stella is doing the victory dance in her very stylish clothes right about now. (You can't ever take my mummy's place, bitch.) Although, it looks like the gold digga will be getting her mits on some of those Beatles Bucks. See the CNN article:

LONDON, England (AP)
With Wednesday's announcement that the former Beatle and his second wife, Heather Mills McCartney, have separated, speculation immediately turned to the financial settlements surrounding the end of their four-year marriage.

"She could get a huge chunk of his wealth," said Patricia Hollings, a divorce specialist. Hollings said that Mills McCartney's relatively young age (she is 38) and the fact that they have a child, combined with McCartney's "staggering" wealth and celebrity status, have the potential to push the settlement into the stratosphere.

On Wednesday, McCartney, who turns 64 next month, posted a message on his personal Web site saying that he was upset over suggestions that Mills McCartney had simply married him for his fortune, estimated to be $1.5 billion. The couple did not have a prenuptial agreement.

Oh! Forgot to explain the pic. We went to Wagamama AGAIN for dinner and Jack hooked up with this cutie sitting next to him. Her name is Fleur. She is 4 years old. She lives in Aalsmeer. Sigh. What a beautiful looking little girl. And she was so smitten with Jack. I think he liked her too.

Hare! Hare!

I think this pic completely captures the vibe in Amsterdam. You have the worlds's only floating flower market, the beautiful canal houses hunching over the water, crappy granny bikes, and a Hare Krishna travelling band.

I haven't seen HKs in such a long time but there are a lot of them here. They've all but disappeared in Toronto. I remember back in the 80s at Yonge & Dundas they'd be all out singing and dancing in their robes. My mom was convinced that I'd get abducted by them and brainwashed and then she would have to come and get me and de-program me. And for the record, my mom was onto those Scientologists years ago. I used to go meet my mom for lunch when she worked downtown and we'd walk over to Swiss Chalet on Yonge Street and we'd often pass the Scientology building. She knew they were all nuts.

The last time I was at Yonge & Dundas... now imaginatively called "Dundas Square", I was visiting Kathy and John at Ryerson. The place is just a pit. I mean, it was always a bit sketch but now it's horrible - even after they spent all those millions of $$$ to transform it.

So what happened to the Krishanas? Did Mayor Miller 'sweep' them off the street? Are the HKs afraid of getting wacked with stray bullets from all those gang drive-bys? Are they extinct now that the powerful, shinier, happier Scientologists poached their recruits? Maybe the karma police rounded them all up?

All I know is that in Binglerism, the only mandatory wardrobe is a nice pair of shoes/boots and the special 'holy day' (***get it***) prayer thong. JOIN NOW!

Open Wide

LONDON (Reuters) - More than 60 percent of Britons use items such as screwdrivers, scissors and earrings to remove food from between their teeth, according to a survey published Friday.

The National Dental Survey found that, when it came to oral hygiene, people used whatever was close to hand to pick their teeth.

More than 60 percent questioned by the British Dental Health Foundation said they used makeshift items, including knives, keys, needles and forks.

The survey also found that 23 percent of people chose to leave food stuck between their teeth, increasing the risk of gum disease and bad breath, according to the foundation which promotes oral health.

Buono Appetito!

James and I spent the day at the Keizer Culinair cooking school here in Amsterdam. We particiapted in a full-day, six course culinary workshop called, "The Italian Kitchen". There were 15 people in the course and 2 chefs. The school is run out of a beautiful canal house on the Keizergracht right in the heart of the "Nine Streets". Inside it was light and airy, the walls decorated with colourful paitings by a local artist. The kitchen itself was very Jamie Oliver. There were french doors that opened up into the back garden.

We all were assigned a course. James and I volunteered for the main course (what were we thinking) which was Scampi alla livornese con patate alla milanese e finocchi al forno or Shrimps in tomato-sauce with potatoes and fennel out of the oven. We had such a blast. I worked on the tomatoe sauce and the shrimp marinade. James made the potatoes and fennel. Our course was by far, the hardest one and it got the most oohs and ahhs from the group.

When it was all done, we sat at a long table and each group served their course and explained how they did it. We had tons of wine and sparkling water, too. There was a real mix of people. We met an older couple who were here from England staying with their son who treated them to this day at the cooking school. There were a few Americans who were all here working for 2 years, like us. There were some realling funny Dutch girls and a very beautiful guy from Brazil. All in all, everyone was super friendly and we thoroughly enjoyed ourselves. I can't wait to do another one. I hope they offer more courses in the Fall. I'd love to do a Thai one.

So now we are stuffed and a bit strung out from all the espresso but what a fantastic day! Bellissimo!

How yoo dooin?

It was another stunning, hot day in A'dam. After I picked up Jack from school on my bike, we rode by Beatrix Park to check out the splash pad. It was packed. And all the mummys (and some of the daddys) were hangin out in their thong bikinis with the kids. I actually saw one woman tanning topless. And a few were sucking back some Heinekens. AND... quite a few of the children were naked. I have to shrug off my puritanical North American attitude and learn to accept this. Everyone was having so much fun. So I am determined to shave my legs for tomorrow and suck in that gut and stash a few Smirnoff Ices in my bag and hit the splash pad in style. I'll let you know how it goes.

Spring Shoes

I bought some really cute shoes today. And for a low, low price of 29 Euro. The nice thing about living in the land of the giants is that they all have huge feet - which translates into lots of little people sizes in stock for me. Yipppeee!!!!!

Of course there is a down side to living among the Amazons - they set the automatic door sensor too high and I can't set it off so I have to jump up and down waving my arms to trigger it to open. But at least I'm wearing fabulously tiny shoes while doing it!

You go, Mary Jo!

I will refer to this non-story only once on this blog and then I will be done with it! Promise. But the recent wedding of B-listers, Dean McDermott and Tori Spelling has taken some crazee turns. By crazee, I am refering to Dean's manwich ex, Mary Jo Eustace. I used to love her on What's For Dinner... the way she'd bitch slap poor Ken Kostick around the kitchen with her Amazon hands. I tried to find a pic of Mary Jo on Google but nuthin came up? How is that possible? There is a serious lock down on that woman's image. So I had to settle with this great little number of Tori circa 1987. I luv it. I have a TTC Student photo ID that looks very similar.
(And dontcha all want your men to go out and get inked up with yer mug on their forearm. Eek!)

So Mary Jo is writing a tell-all smut book on this whole drama. She had me at 'the meltdown at the drivers licence bureau.' See below:

Particularly upsetting to Eustace was the new groom's comment to PEOPLE at his wedding last weekend. He said: "I've never had as much of a desire to get
married and make a woman my wife as I've had with her. The feeling is overwhelming. We're soul mates." Eustace considers the remark to be "the final nail."

As for the contents of the prospective book, Eustace says that among other things, she’ll write about "the meltdown I had at the driver's license bureau because I'd missed my appointment. I started to cry and told the guy my husband had left me for Tori Spelling. He let me take my test … So, see, it has an upside too."

Check out the full article on People.com!

Pimp My Ride

For those of you who have requested a pic of my Dutch city bike.... here it is. Pretty stylin, huh? I go like a son-of-bitch on this whip. I'm sure it will be stolen by the end of the month.

Park People

Sorry for the lack of material in the past few days. I've been having some serious issues with Blogger and our router. But I'm seeking some solutions.

We spent the whole weekend chill-axin in the park like most of the world. Saturday I had a deep-tissue massage and it near about killed me. I haven't had one in almost 2 months so the ol' body was not prepared to be worked over. I felt pretty sick afterwards which is result of all the toxins being released from the massage. So I drank a whole pitcher of water with lemon and then I felt ok. I had a new masseuse named, Liza. She also took down my birthdate info and she's going to do my medical astrological chart. Ummm...... I'm starting to sound like a bit of a durty hippy! What's happening to me?

Remembrance & Liberation

This monument can be seen from my livingroom. It stands as a thank you to Canadians who died liberating Amsterdam and much of Holland during WWII.

Liberation Day (Dutch: Bevrijdingsdag) is celebrated each year on May 5 in the Netherlands to mark the end of the German occupation during the Second World War. The nation was liberated largely by Canadian troops and to thank them each year thousands of tulip bulbs are sent to Ottawa where the annual May Tulip Festival is held.

On May 4th the Dutch remember the people who have fought for and died during World War II, and wars in general. There is a remembrance gathering in the Nieuwe Kerk in Amsterdam and at the National Monument on the Dam Square in Amsterdam. Throughout the country two minutes of silence are held at 20.00. On May 5th the liberation is celebrated and festivals are held in most places. From Wikipedia

Come to the dark side, Clay

More reason to convert to Binglerism. Y'all don't know how much I hate these right-wing hypocritical Bible thumpers. Ahhh... on second thought, you probably already know thought. I want to sue those ex-Aiken fans for being intolerant idiots. Thanks to JA Firebrand for bringing this to my attention.

AIKEN NOT PURE

May 2, 2006 -- THE Christians are not standing by their man. After Clay Aiken's alleged affair with John Paulus was made public, and it was reported he trolled for men on gay Web sites, some of his fans sued his label, RCA, for misrepresentation. Aiken's bible-thumping album was then postponed and he was disinvited from Sunday's Pure Fashion show in Atlanta, which is "committed to promoting the virtues of modesty and purity in our culture." Pure Fashion national director Brenda Sharman sent out this e-mail to members: "We were so excited about Clay Aiken appearing as a young man who promotes Christianity in the music industry, and then we started to be inundated with e-mails referring to scandal. We searched for his public response and couldn't find one, so at this time we will have to err on the side of caution until these matters are resolved." Aiken was replaced by Christian singer Rebecca St. James.

Hope Springs Eternal

I think this pic perfectly demonstrates what Spring is all about! I can't even count how many shades of green there are in this shot. And I love the way Jack is frolicking - kinda like the closing credits of Little House in the Prairie where Half Pint, Mary, Carrie and the dog run through the long grass - glad as all hell that Pa isn't making them muck out the barn for the zillionth time.

There were two women who lived in a shoe!

Kathy finally sent me some of her pics. We're thinking of trying out for the Netherlands Olympic Bobsled team. Look at that synergy folks. There be no denying.

Baby Eater! Baby Eater! Baby Eater!

Turns out that Stephen Harper (boo! boo!) the Prime Minister of Canada is a baby eater! I grinned ear-to-ear as I read the following story this morning on the Toronto Star web site. I don't know what tickles me most about this story. Is it that none of the jaded GTA commuters even reacted to the sign reading, "Stephen Harper eats babies"? Is it that this urban rager-against-the-machine bought his dasterdly tool at Sam's Club? Or is it confirmation of a deep subconcious feeling that we all have - that the PM is indeed a cannibal who fancies the taste of baby meat? Who knows!

Enjoy!

Gerry Nicholls thought he was hallucinating as he kicked back in his seat to
take the 35-minute GO train ride to his Oakville home.

About every three seconds, the scrolling electronic sign that usually carries transit updates and advertisements had a very different message that he just could not keep his eyes off.

"Stephen Harper Eats Babies. Stephen Harper Eats Babies. Stephen Harper Eats Babies," the message kept repeating.

"No one (in the car) seemed to be reacting to it," said Nicholls, who happens to be vice-president of the National Citizens Coalition, the same conservative think-tank formerly headed by Prime Minister Stephen Harper.

"You go home and you are trying to rest from work and all of a sudden where they usually talk about Ticketmaster, all of a sudden you see this thing say `Stephen Harper Eats Babies,'" Nicholls said yesterday. "I wasn't even sure when I got off the train. Was I hallucinating?"

Turns out he wasn't.

An ingenious hacker, who boarded the Lakeshore GO Transit westbound train, made sure that on Thursday, Friday and yesterday, suburban commuters in at least five different cars continued to get his or her subliminal message

His weapon of choice was a remote control device that can be bought at a Sam's Club and used to discreetly program scrolling electronic signs found commonly in shop windows — and in every GO Transit train car — from about two metres away.

You can never defeat the... Impregnator!

Took this pic at Gamma (Home Depot-esque store) yesterday when we were there looking for glue. I don't know what this is exactly, but I backed away with my thighs firmly clenched together.

And a new regular feature will commence today on See Jayne Blog! It's called:

Porno Titles from the Amsterdam TV Guide that I find Amusing

Here are this month's inductees:

• I Cream of Genie
• Debbie Does Iowa
• The Sopornos
  

And in other news...

It seems like Paris Hilton is running out of Greek men! She better go to the food court at Eglinton Square in Scarborough ASAP! And poor Stavros is running out of emaciated rich blonde bimbettes. Oh wait a minute, there is no world shortage of those!

Paris Hilton and her boyfriend, Greek shipping heir Stavros Niarchos, have split. Last month Hilton threw Niarchos a surprise 21st birthday bash at her Hollywood Hills pad. Some 100 guests turned out for the party, during which "Stavros did back flips into the pool and jumped from one end to the other," said a guest. "Everyone gasped and begged him not to continue because his stunts looked dangerous." The happy couple were inseparable that night, holding hands and kissing. Niarchos was previously involved with Mary-Kate Olsen, whom he left for Hilton.

And it looks that there will be a serious face-off at centre court in a few years...

Shaquille O'Neal and his wife, Shaunie Nelson, welcomed a new daughter, Me'arah Sanaa O'Neal, on Monday.

and

Kobe Bryant and his wife, Vanessa, welcomed their second child on Monday in Orange County, Calif., the Associated Press reports. A daughter, Gianna
Maria-Onore Bryant, was born at 2:03 a.m.

All courtesy of People.com

JCS at the BSA

Mummy, can I have sum more tea?

Look at my baby! He's all grown up!

Today was Jack's first day at the British School of Amsterdam. James had the day off work so we both took him this afternoon. The teachers, Miss Gannon and Miss Dillon were so friendly and warm and not at all crotchety and grumpy like the British teachers I had at Havergal.

We found his hook for his coat. In addition to the child's name, there is a picture of an animal. Jack's animal is the dolphin. He also has a little bucket in the classroom with the dolphin on it and that is where the teachers put his art work and notices.

He just sauntered in there and started playing right away. We stayed for a bit and talked with the teachers and then we left. When we picked him up, Miss Gannon said he did great and there were no 'mistakes' in his underwear. Yippppeeeeee!

He had strawberries and some milk for snack and he made me a beautiful painting. I thought my heart might burst!