When things go wrong

MULTAN, Pakistan (Reuters) - Fateh Mohammad, a prison inmate in Pakistan, says he woke up last weekend with a glass lightbulb in his anus.

Wednesday night, doctors brought Mohammad's misery to an end after a one-and-a-half hour operation to remove the object.

"Thanks Allah, now I feel comfort. Today, I had my breakfast. I was just drinking water, nothing else," Mohammad, a grey-beared man in his mid-40s, told Reuters from a hospital bed in the southern central city of Multan.

"We had to take it out intact," said Dr. Farrukh Aftab at Nishtar Hospital. "Had it been broken inside, it would be a very very complicated situation."

Mohammad, who is serving a four-year sentence for making liquor, prohibited for Muslims, said he was shocked when he was first told the cause of his discomfort. He swears he didn't know the bulb was there.

"When I woke up I felt a pain in my lower abdomen, but later in hospital, they told me this," Mohammad said.

"I don't know who did this to me. Police or other prisoners."

The doctor treating Mohammad said he'd never encountered anything like it before, and doubted the felon's story that someone had drugged him and inserted the bulb while he was comatose.

© Reuters 2006. All Rights Reserved.

Jack Sheppard - Visionary Photographer

My Green Thumb

These are my prize-winning orchids. Actually, they have won no prizes but I think they really stand a chance if I did decide to enter them in some flower beauty pagent. I got these babies from Ikea for $5 a couple of months ago and now they are bloomin maniacs. Very puurty.

I can't believe it

I went out to walk Zephyr at 10:20 pm and it wsa still light here! Must have something to do with the swell of the earth.

Going Dutch

Random Facts about the Dutch taken from the book, Dutch Delight by Sylvia Pessireron:

Due partly to the increased consumption of dairy products, the Dutch started to shoot up like vines. These days each generation is, on average, 4.5 cm taller than the previous one and the Dutch have risen to become the tallest nation in the world.

'Cheese-head' is actually a Belgian derogatory term for a Dutch person. Today The Netherlands leads the world in cheese export.

A quarter of the Netherlands lies below sea level and about twenty percent of their land has been reclaimed form the sea.

The most popular Dutch fish snack is raw herring with onions.

Another typical Dutch dish is smoked eel. An amazing six million kilos of eel are smoked every year in the Netherlands.

The Dutch love their coffee. They drink, on average, three cups a day, that's 142 litres a year.

The Dutch invented the process of distillation and treated the world to jenever (Dutch gin). The world's first commercial distillery opened its doors in Amsterdam in the 16th century. And using sugar cane to distill rum was also a Dutch invention.

Heineken was the first brewery to start exporting its beer. THe beer is now sold in 170 countries.

Over 30 million kilos of licorice are consumed in the Netherlands each year. (That's 150 Euro worth)

On average, each Dutch citizen cosumes six kilos of sweets a year. nearly 2 kilos more than any other European.

Oranje Forever

Well.... Holland suffered a terrible loss to the Port-u-squeeze yesterday in the World Cup elimination round. Amsterdam was quiet this morning - most people prefered to stay indoors and lick their wounds. But I thought I would post this music video which is very Dutch and thus very strange to the rest of the World. For those of you not in the know, orange (or oranje in Dutch) is the official colour of The Netherlands. Check this out! I can't believe I live here.

Bring it on!

Here is an example of why I love/miss my friend Kathy so much! She recently submitted this well-worded comment to CBC.ca in response to CBC's decision to mess with The National in order to air a reality show. For full explanation on this story and to get a sampling of the critical backlash, click on the links below.

As an FYI, all Kathy received in response to her complaint was a standard return blah-blah-blah page.

I love it!

Editorial: Time to review CBC's mandate - The Toronto Star
Turn the CBC into a Pay Channel - The National Post
Reality Show to Bump CBC-TV's The National - CBC.ca

Reality Show bumping The National? by Kathy Hewak

What are you people thinking? Have you completely lost your minds?

As a former employee (‘94-‘06) and now as a member of the public at large, I have to tell you that it’s been excruciating watching the fast-paced erosion of CBC – from the inside and out.

Your fall launch announcement was paltry compared to Global and CTV. Your continued celebration of mediocrity is making CBC a national embarrassment.

The only TV programming left to hang your hats on is a smattering of half-hour comedies, a few good news programs and what's left of a few sports contracts.

And now, when the crest of (good) reality shows has pretty much passed, you decide to jump on the bandwagon. OK, fine. I can accept that. Better late than never, right? But good lord, you're turning Peter Mansbridge and the "flagship" National into a joke. I've never seen the news more jostled around.

I particularly like the way you scheduled the news last night (June 25, 2006). 10 minutes (10:00-10:10 p.m. ET) between takes of Pirates of the Caribbean – it was actually scheduled that way - like a lengthy commercial. Nice. Since when did you marginalize the news? You should really hand over a copy of the CBC mandate to your new executives and force the lifers to re-read it. I’m pretty sure it can be found online. Send them to CBC.ca and see if they can find it from there. Good luck with that.

You know, it's one thing to piss off the Corrie fans during the Olympics every couple of years but now you’re starting to screw with the rest of us year round.

Peter, save yourself and head south of the border. If J.D. Roberts can get himself a gig on CBS, just think what you could do!

What I did on my summer vacation

As I sit here posting this pic, it is raining and I am watching the World Cup and drinking a Heineken. I harken back to last weekend when we were guests at Nighty and Jenn's beautiful house on a lake in Ontario. We had a blast with them and Erika and Paul. And Molly too!

Biking Dutch Style

I am LOVING at least one Dutch custom. Biking. As I mentioned in one of my first blog posts, the Dutch do everything on/with their bikes. The whole city and most of the countryside is all connected with an elaborate bike path system. Every road in the compact 5km city centre has dedicated bike lanes - and in most cases, these lanes are separate from the road.

I never did as much biking in Toronto as I wanted to. There were a few summers that James and I biked to CBC when we lived at Yonge & Lawrence. There were a few problems with this:

Toronto Problem - As an inexperienced biker, I felt insecure about sharing a lane with TTC buses, cabs and cars and I was paranoid about drivers opening their car doors on me.
Dutch Solution - Dedicated bike lanes. Bike signals at all crossroads.

Toronto Problem - On our route from Yonge & Lawrence, there were a few bike lanes but no consistency. You'd be cruising along a stretch and then your lane would just end!
Dutch Solution - A integrated, maintained, extensive bike trails that run within the city and connecting all the suburbs, countryside, and even along highways to other cities in Holland.

Toronto Problem - If you were going to bike to work as a commuter (not talking about living at Queen & Bathurst and working at Queen & University) you'd have to pack a change of clothes in your backpack and in most cases, try to catch a shower at work. It's killer in the summer with the humidity and smog. Also, with hills, you can get quite a work out.
Dutch Solution - Almost everyone goes to work on their bike. And like the rest of Europe, the Dutch aren't as keen on showers as North Americans. What's their secret? Well, flat land for one thing. When you're metres below sea-level, you don't exactly break a sweat travelling around. And also, biking isn't like the Tour De France... must make it to work in record speed mentality - you just cycle along, talking on yer mobile, or eating your cheese sandwich. It's just a part of life.

Toronto Problem - You have to have a half decent bike. You'd need something with gears. You need a nice seat. You need something that makes you look like you know what you're doing or that you're an off-road weekend warrior.
Dutch Solution - The Dutch are really not about the appearances. I couldn't believe how shitty their bikes were. For the most part, everyone rides 'city bikes' translated as rusty, old, granny bikes. The only gear that you need is a working light and reflector. If you don't the cops WILL bust you and fine you some Euro. But there are no helmets, wrist protectors, bike shorts, bike shoes etc. (I will admit that there are several Torontonians that I knew at CBC that were die hard bikers and they didn't require much bling to get to work. (Think Joe Lawlor or Paddi-Anne Crossin))

Toronto Problem - The weather.
Dutch Solution - Well, it hardly snows here but it rains and mists a hell of a lot. But that doesn't stop the Dutchies. It's biznass as usual even in a downpour.

Toronto Problem - How do you move the kids around? Alot of people in our Hood on Milverton had bike seats but they were usually only used for weekend jaunts down to the beach and only for toddlers. Plus - how do you carry all their gear AND them on your bike?
Dutch Solution - Kids ride on their parents' bikes at all ages - even tweens. There is a music school behind our place and you always see kids showing up for class on the back of their parent's bike with their violins and cellos. In addition to this, the Dutch have invented these box bikes that parents use to transport kids, groceries, dogs, etc. As you can see in the pic... this guy had 6 kids in his bucket and the cruising was easy.

Final Analysis

The Dutch have got it right with their use of bikes. It cuts down on pollution, it does not require gas, and it's the fastest way to get around - bar none. It's also good for you. I think the government and city of Toronto need to adopt a more bike friendly policy and put some money behind a proper bike lane infrastructure.

If you build it - they will come.... and bike.

Another Course

I went wandering around the Pipe again today and I found a studio that offers stained glass courses. The reason that I went in was the variety of finished pieces that they had on display. They had the usual hummingbirds and Tiffany lamps and stuff. But what caught my eye was a meditating Buddha window. They also had some funky stuff. So I went in and met the lady who runs the studio with her hubby and son. She was really cool and spoke perfect English and was keen on me taking the course. I wanted to do the Buddha but she just laughed at me and told me that I needed to learn how to walk before I could run. True. So I picked some geometric design that looks like a sunrise. While I was there, another woman came in inquiring about the course - she was French and looked exactly like Julie Delpy. I couldn't take my eyes off of her. But then again, that is true of most French women. They really stand apart from us all. There are quite a few French women who have kids at the British School and they just look so good it just confounds me. They smell good, they have dewy skin and even though they are wearing makeup, it doesn't look like they are! Plus, they speak so beautifully - whether it's just French between them or English with that awesome accent - it is like music compared to the Dutch language. No offence Dutchies, but all that 'back-of-the-throat' nonsense is hard on the ears. Where was I? Oh yeah... I'm taking a stained course in 2 weeks and I am super-pysched.

TOGA TOGA TOGA

Gossy Gossy Gossy

There were some real winners in the gossip headlines today. Here is my fave:

(BANG) - Nicole Kidman is set to duet with Ewan McGregor at her wedding.

The pair starred in 'Moulin Rouge' together and Nicole - who is marrying country singer Keith Urban at the weekend - wants to perform 'Come What May' with the Scottish actor at the wedding reception.

Nicole's two adopted children, Isabella, 13, and Connor, 11, have arrived in Australia for the nuptials. Isabella and Connor, whose father is Tom Cruise, were met at Sydney Airport by Nicole's security staff.


K luv this one. You should never, NEVER, NEEVVEERRR sing at your own wedding. I don't care how well you sing - it is such a big faux pas. It's going to sound trite no matter what. Just think of the movie Napoleon Dynamite when Napoleon's brother Kip seranades Lafawndauh at the altar. Here are the lyrics:

Why do you love me? Why do you need me? Always and forever. We met in a chatroom, now our love can fully bloom. Sure the world wide web is great but you, you make my salivate. Yes, I love technology but not as much as you, you see. But I STILL love technology. Always and forever.

Our love is like a flock of doves, flying up to heaven above. Always and forever. Always and forever. Yes, our love is truly great. Always and forever. Why do you need me? Why do you love me?

Another strange thing about this story is the fact that Nic's kids are getting picked up at the airport by her security staff. Thanks mom! We just flew 20 hours to see you marry a country western singer BY OURSELVES and you couldn't get yer bony ass to the airport to meet us. Betch.

Crazy Day

I had one of those crazy days today where I was in a million places. This morning, I got Jack ready for school and then I dragged him on the tram to Magna Plaza in Dam Square. I went to go find a present for Sarah Morris who just had a baby girl. But Bam Bam's has moved! That place has been there as long as I have been coming to A'Dam. But there is a toy store called Pinnocchio that has high end toys. Jack played with the Thomas the Train stuff while I picked him up some birthday presents. He started doing that crazy pee dance that my Dad calls "the watusi". So I rushed him off to the washroom and had to rummage around in my purse for the .20 Euro to get in. That accomplished, we went back to the to the toy store and 5 minutes later, Jack was doing the watusi again. So the washroom attendant made me pay - AGAIN! I gave her the real low down durty look but it was useless. After that, we headed out to MacDonalds for lunch. I didn't realize how late it was, so I whisked Jack back onto the #5 tram and we headed to school. The tram was packed, especially as we neared Leidseplein. It was at this point that Jack looked at me and asked, "Mommy, do you have a vagina?" and I was like, "Ummm yeah... now eat this McNugget." And then he said, "Mommy, do you have a big vagina?" I could have killed him.

After I dropeed him off at school and I went home and picked up Zephyr for a trip to Beatrix Park. I fed the ducks, swans, and koots. Then we went over to the dog park area and I met a really nice lady with a male Bearded Collie. It was such a beautiful dog. His name ws Boom. And then a lovely Vizsla puppy came around and Zephyr was full of bananas chasing her. The owner was also really nice. His puppy was named Ute and she was only 8 months old. I was telling them that I saw a wedding taking place on the other side of the park and I was worried that they would come over to us and one of the dogs would jump on the bride in her beautiful white dress. The owner said that was nothing... He took Ute to the Amsterdam Bos (Woods)last weekend and she took off to where there were a bunch of people sitting on a picnic blanket. Turns out, it was a birthday party and they were just blowing out the candles on the cake when Ute arrived and took a big bite outta it! Hey started screaming and she started getting confused and she starting stepping in the cake and eventually she sat in it. Party was over after that.

We hung out there for a bit and then Zephyr and I headed over to the other side to go home. Zephyr got the scent of some bird and she went crazy ass running after it and next thing you know, I heard a huge SPLOOSH! She fell/jumped into a canal. And a really green algae swampy one, at that. She got out OK but she was completely green. She smelt like swamp farts. So I had to drag her back home for a bath, rinse and rub dry. Yuck.

I had another hour or so to kill before I had to pick up Jack so I rode over to the Pipe to visit a cafe/cake shop called.... My Aunt's Cake. I was hoping to order Jakc's birthday cake there. The shop was incredible. I have an idea of what I want now. As I was cycling home, I came across a mini-red-light-district near my house. It was so wierd to see women like that around here. Especially, at 3 pm. They looked rather bored.

I also took some time to cycle around the area - a great way to explore. So many cool shops to check out at a later date.

Finally, I made my way back to the British School to get Jack. I was strapping him into his bike seat when this woman turned around and realizing that her son wasn't there. She just about went into panic mode when he came around the corner. She unleashed on him in the thickest Irish brogue... "Jesus, Mary, Joseph - Patrick you're goin to be the end of me!" It just made me smile.

The Narrative

I found this photo blog and I am so diggin it:

The Narrative

Check it out.

More pics of Boston and Zephyr as Marilyn Monroe

A classic parable in bronze situated in Colpey Square, Boston.

Also shot in Copley Square... old church reflected in modern office building.

We were a bunch of sleepy heads this morning. Jack came to our bed around 5 am and then slept there until 10 am when I woke him up. He was so out of it that I actually cut his nails while he was sleeping.

I love this picture of Zephyr. She's all Marilyn Munroe - dreamy, naughty bits covered, posing for the camera like she's too kool for skool.

Back in the Dam - Again

Just to let y'all know... we made it back to Amsterdam yesterday morning. The flight was fine and Jack did well. Feeling a bit outta sorts. Time change, laundry, dry skin... ya know.

My Cousin Lynnie

 
 
 
 
James, Lynn and I went to Fewnway Park last night for the Microsoft Tech Ed closing event. For any of you who know Boston, or baseball or better yet, Baseball in Boston... this place is the holy land. The park was open for us to wander around. We had free food, free booze and free balloon animals. We got to go down on the field and walk around the perimeter. We got to touch the Green Monster and the scoreboard. It was a beautiful night to just hang out. And then the band, Train came out and sang and all the Geeks rocked out and we made fun of them.

It was so awesome to see my cousin Lynn here in his home town. Hope to see him in Amsterdam soon! 

Uncle Scam pic

  

Uncle Scam & the Amazing Cup of Tea

 
 
 
 
Spent a lovely day in Cambridge and Havard Square. After hitting a great toy shop called Henry Bear's Park, I stopped for a relaxing tea at this cosy tea shop on Brattle St. Wenners would TOTALLY dig it. The very cute tea maker showed me a list of teas but I feigned ignorance and told him to 'surprise me'. What a great decision. He brough me some wonderful black tea with a egg timer and told me to take the infuser out pronto our else the tea would get bitter. Yum! Great people watching.

Across the street I met a man who was protesting George Bush (I think) by putting on this adult puppet show. You can see the large puppet thing in the picture and he was in it with a microphone spouting off songs, poems, rambles...etc. Turns out, his name is Uncle Scam and he has a web site!
I sat down and watched him for awhile. And without knowing it, he an I began having this strange conversation out loud and in front of all these people. He's ask me things like, "Did your mother ever sing you this song when you were a kid?" and "Dick Cheney is like the booger in your nose, right?" I was transfixed. I was laughing away and then I realized that people were actually laughing at me, laughing at him. It was weird. I was part of some urban protest art form. So cheers to Uncle Scam for liberating me! 

I'm not buying it

I'm always amazed when I read these stories about women (or sometimes girls) not knowing they're pregnant and giving birth unexpectedly. I read the following story on CNN:

Mother who abandoned newborn convicted of murder

A 27-year-old woman was convicted of murder and sentenced to life in prison for leaving her newborn daughter in a Wal-Mart restroom last year. Defense attorney Elizabeth Lane had argued that Shorter did not intend to kill her child.

Lane said Shorter didn't know she was pregnant and panicked after giving birth in the Macon store restroom on August 14, 2005. She left the baby there on impulse, Lane said.

The 8-pound infant died five days later at a hospital.

Okay we're not talking about a little preemie here. An 8lb baby is BIG! And if you don't know that thing is in there after all that weight and kicking and punching then you must be severely deranged. And why do things like this always happen in a Wal-Mart? Why can't people have babies by mistake in some classier joints, like Target or Home Depot. It's just a sin.

Strippers and lawyers and champers... oh my!

I just finished reading the story on CNN regarding the Hurricane Katrina fraud. Remember those debit cards they gave out in New Orleans? Well some people used them for strippers, champagne at Hooters, a divorce lawyer, diamonds, Girls Gone Wild videos, and a vacation to the Dominican Republic!!! (Once again, this harkens to Bridezilla Buena's bachelor(ette) party.) The investigators also found that, "FEMA provided $10 million in housing assistance to people who were not displaced, including more than 1,170 inmates in state and federal prisons, and provided rental assistance to people simultaneously living in free hotel rooms."

I know that I saw a lot of people suffering down there and I hate to think of those cheating, lying, bad people having a frat party with the money that could have helped the people who really needed it.

And the sad thing is, people are going to think twice before donating to relief organizations when this is what could happen.

Sad. Sad. Sad.

Help! I'm trapped in Filene's Basement!

 
 
 
A big shopping day for me. I went to Faneuil Hall and Quincy Market today. I loved strolling around looking at all the souvenirs shops. The food hall was packed and I was so overwelmed that I couldn't decide what to eat. Faneuil Hall was closed because there was a Naturalization Ceremony for New Americans. There were Boston's Finest everywhere... and SWAT team... and 2 bomb sniffing dogs. Nice huh? Welcome to America - dontcha feel all free now? The security here is crazy. All the parking lots have cops and guards. Most places you have to open your trunk for inspection before parking. When I was on the bus, this eerie electronic message comes on over the PA telling me that I should alert the driver of any suspicious behaviour or packages. Yikes! And furthermore, there is a supermarket across the street from us that has a take-away section and cafe seating outside. Every few feet there is a sign listing the Code of Conduct for sitting in the cafe. Can you believe it?

On a positive note, there were many deals to be had and I spent some US bucks on my boys. I almost did get trapped in Filene's Basement... that place is completely insane. It's like Honest Ed's but with everything from wedding dresses, fur coats, thong panties, and Coach purses. Wait a minute... that sounds like my bridesmaid's outfit for Mr. Buena's wedding. 

Some damn fine art

 
 
I just got back from the Museum of Fine Art. Had a great time. I saw the "Light My Fire: Rock Posters From The Summer Of Love" exhibit and my only complaint was that it was too small. A very inspiring collection but I wish there was more to it.

I enjoyed the Egyptian Funery Arts section cuz I luvs the mummies. I didn't know this but the ancient romans also mummified some of their dead. They painted a portrait of the deceased and stuck it on the outside where the face would be... experts believe that they used to stand them up in their houses and pretend like they were still alive. I imagine the stink would eventually lead them to burial cuz apparently they weren't as good at embalming as the Egyptians were.

Another surprise for me was a special exhibit called, "Contemporary Clay: Japanese Ceramics for the New Century". I wish that my friend Michael, a ceramic artist had been with me to see it.

I'm going to take a nap now. Cuz I can. And then I'm heading down to the Boston Common gardens. 

What does a $23 sandwich look like?

 
Like this! Yum! Behold the beautiful, tasty, decadent, expensive, wonderful lobster roll sandwich - a New England staple. 

Bawstan

 
I had a great day today here in Boston. I got to sleep in - which is probably the highlight of any vacation for me. And then I went for breakfast here at the Marriott. I ate so much but it was a good thing cuz I ended up skipping lunch.

After a brief problem with my hotel key... I headed out to catch the #10 bus from Copley Square. I was headed to Target in South Bay. It didn't take too long and it only costs 90 cents to ride the bus! Hello! I was appalled that the cash fare in TO is now $2.75.

I am a bit ashamed that I actually spent almost 4 hours in Target. It was crazy. The placed is so big that they have maps posted with You Are Here indicators. I kept filling up my cart and trying stuff on, and putting stuff back, and finding new stuff again and getting mired in the makeup department. Ahhhhh! It was heaven. The best thing was that no one was waiting for me... I wasn't due back to save the babysitter... I didn't have a toddler to try and keep in the changeroom... it was just me for as long as I wanted to be there.

Here is a pic of the Nick & Nora jammies that I bought per moi. It's a cute tank top with shorts and drawstring pants too. I couldn't resist the retro Pocohantas/Cowgirl print. Yee haw! My other fav find was a bottle of Benadryl, 100 tablets for $5.99! The mother load. I was whooping it up and making such a scene that the pharmacist asked me if I needed help with anything. I was like, "Hell yes! Point me to the nearest liquor store, I need a nice bottle of Pinot Grigio to go with these babies." Actually I didn't say that... but I get points for thinking it up after the fact.

I'm heading out solo tonight. I going to hit Skipjack's for a lobster roll and a Sam Adams. Maybe a little whirlpool when James gets back from the conference. Don't wait up! 

Evolution of Dance

OK. I know that this vid is EVERYWHERE. But I luv it and I want to share wid y'all. It also reminds me of the time Heehawk did the Running Man at Web Ed 2004.

Like Father Like Son

 
The three of us went to see Cars, the new Pixar movie that just opened. It was Jack's first movie at the theatre. He really loved it - especially the loud racing scenes. As James pointed out to me, this movie was made for all the Nascar dads who were sick of watching Pochantas and Cinderella. And sure enough, the theatre was mostly dads and little boys. Not that chicks don't like car movies. But cha know...

I did hate the fact that there were about a half hour of previews before the flick. Jack was worn out at the end and the last 20 minutes were a bit of a struggle.

So James leaves for Boston in a few hours. Thomas' party at the island was cancelled due to illness at the Bingler house. Which sux cuz I bought $70 worth of pirate stuff at Malabar yesterday. Oh well - I guess I'll just add it to the Tickle Trunk. 

Ladies Who Lunch

Just got home from having a long lunch with Lee. We went to The Queen Mother- our fav haunt from back in the day. I had the Pad Thai which was absolutely deelish and several glasses of red wine. We did lots of gabbing and catching up. How I miss my peeps.

After lunch I went to Pages to pick up a book and when I went to pay, I looked up at the guy at the cash and he was wearing a monocle. Really! He was 25 at the most and he was wearing a monocle. Maybe he thought he was Edgar Allan Poe or maybe Mr. Peanut. Dunno.

And after that, I went to Malabar to pick up some stuff for Thomas' pirate party at the island tomorrow. I got all the necessary pieces like: eye patches, bandanas, Jolly Roger flag and tattoos. But what I really wanted to buy was a Mexican wrestling mask. Check them out! They had so many incredible designs. I told the guy who worked there that I had this unbelievable urge to buy one even though I could not anticipate an event to wear it to... and he said, "Well, you and half the city. That whole rack was full and in 2 days we sold out. Must be that Nacho Libre movie." Good point.

And after that, I went to Timmie Doggie Outfitters. My friend who co-owns it wasn't there but I had a good time browsing their wares and picking up a leash for Zephyr.

Happy Birthday Again