Queen's Day Photo Diary - Part Two

Queen's Day Message from the Mayor

To keep things festive during Queen’s Day, it is important that everyone observes a couple of rules regarding the use of alcohol. The main rule is that you only have one bottle or can containing an alcoholic beverage with you on the street, in stations and on the trams. People with any more alcohol than that with them run the risk of being seen as dealers.

I hope this year’s celebration will be as pleasant and festive as they have been in the past.

I wish you a very pleasant day!

Job Cohen, Mayor of Amsterdam
April 2006

Queen's Day Photo Diary - Part One

Close up

Jack, meet Mommy's new boyfriend!

He's tall, dark, good-looking and an NBA player. Ahhhhh just kidding - this dude's made of LEGO!

I took Jack to Tun Fun again this week. It's this bizarro underground play park for kids. Jack just loves it and I can drink beer while he's playing. Did I mention how advanced the Europeans are? The place has multi-level mazes with tunnels, rope bridges, ball pits, slides etc. Because the joint was empty I went in one with Jack and I wrenched my neck trying to brace myself before shooting out the end of the tunnel into a pit with e-coli covered plastic balls. I am frickin' exhausted now.

I also walked all over town checkin out the decorations and craziness that is building up for Queen's Day tomorrow. Last night we went to Wagamama for dinner and then I bought a bunch of decorations and adornments for the festivities. People have been taping off the sidewalks all over town since Monday - staking their claim to a bit of space so that they can sell stuff. Apparently, the entire city becomes a big garage sale (Vrijmarkt*free market), and it starts at 5 am. I can guarantee that I won't be up that early lookin at people's rubbish.

Another big part of Queen's Day is the drinking, partying, listening to live music element. I'm planning on heading out at night with Natalie, Jack's babysitter, cuz she knows where all the hotspots are.

Yippeeee! Check back tomorrow for a photo diary of the big event.

Hup Holland Hup!

The deep and meaningful Google Quote of the day

Google Web ClipQuote of the Day - John F. Kennedy - "Once you say you're going to settle for second, that's what happens to you in life."

Ouch! Is this refering to Jackie or Marilyn?

Where are you Margot? Are you Kidding?

"The Torch" was delivered to me in Amsterdam today. No, not the Olympic torch! The Havergal College publication in which they plead with you to part with yer hard earned Benjamins (I haven't found a decent equivalent for this in Canadian terms) so that they can continue to provide state-of-the-art education to young girls in a very posh setting, no less. I attended this place for 4 years as did a few other readers of this blog who will remain anonymous.

Anywhoo, I saw an article in it called, "Lost Connections". It's a list of "Old Girls" (a strange, american prep-school term that private schools in Canada use to call former students)whom they no longer have contact information for. This translates to: We can no longer ask them for money cuz they are MIA. They provide a phone number for anyone to call if they have info on these peeps - kind like a welfare snitch line but in reverse.

Under 1966 in the Lost list was the entry, Margot Kidder.

I feckin fell off my chair when I read that! Are they serious? Have they looked in their backyards for a raggedly, bag-ladyesque creature with no teeth drinking out of their bird bath? Or perhaps they should just check.... IMDB and contact her agent for crikey's sake. And if these people listen to any of the student lore that's passed along, they'd know that she was a shit-disturber who put crazy glue all over the toilet seats on the teacher's lounge washroom.

Talk about gettin blood from a stone. Oy!

Welcome to Amsterdam

I picked up this Visitor's Guide to Amsterdam today and I was delighted with the section on the Police rules for the Red Light District (RLD). Here's an excerpt :

Normal Behaviour
Too much alcohol often causes irresponsible and childish behaviour. Undressing in public, jumping in canals etc. etc. Please don't make a fool of yourself.

Screaming and Shouting
Especially in the evenings and during the nights it causes great disturbances to the people who live here and who are sleeping and have to get up early. Sing along in pubs, have fun, but be quiet on the streets. Remember the fine that can await you.

Urinating in Public
Dirty habit, always committed by men. Don't ruin our houses and monuments. You can either go in one of the bars and tip the bartender for using the toilet or use one of the public toilets. You also can go to a police station.

Prostitution
If you visit one of the women, we would like to remind you, they are not always women. Outside on the streets, don't shout or use bad language toward these women. Show some respect. In case you have a problem with a girl or a pimp, don't hesitate to ask a police man/woman, we know why you're here and you can hardly surprise us anymore.

"Hup Holland Hup" Get your Orange Party started!

I've started collecting my stuff for Queen's Day on Saturday. Today I bought some face paint so I can show my team spirit. According to the package, it is "3-in-1 Schmink". Is Schmink like a Schmengy? I'm also a little concerned that this dude's teeth are orange. This may be taking things too far.

This company makes a ton of cool party supplies... check it out! If you scroll down far enough you'll see the "kaas hoed" which is a cheese hat for yer head. I guess that the Packers fans weren't the originators of this fan fave.

I figure that I can get full usage out of this handy face crayon for when I got to France on Bastille Day! Vive la difference!

Dutch Surprise

Okay... I think I got the ultimate Dutch Surprise today. A Dutch Surprise happens when you purchase something that you think is one thing but is actually something completely different. It also occurs with mixing quantities and prices of stuff.

Case in point, today I went to the green grocer to get a mango, bananas and something green to have with dinner. I saw a yummy package of fresh peas already shucked. When I went to pay for it, the bill came to over 13 Euro! I asked the guy how much the peas were and he said, "7 Euro." I almost choked! That's like $9 CAD. He assured me that was the right price. They were the first peas of the season - specially brought in from Kenya! Gulp. I was too embarrassed to say anything so I left with the peas made of gold.

I'll let y'all know how they tasted.

My Pretty Pony

Today we went to our friend Cynthia's house. She lives in South Amstelveen - which is the town just south of Amsterdam. James' office is also in Amstelveen. Amid these beautiful houses are protected farms. This one farm has some adorable miniature horses. I just loved them so much that I wanted to jump over the moat and nuzzle them and then don my favourite princess gown and tiara and jump on the back of the prettiest one and ride off into the marsh.... wait a minute... I am totally getting carried away. But you get the feckin picture, the ponies were damn sweet!

In other news, we bought a bucket of KFC on Friday and we have slowly been working our way through it.

Also, it looks like we will be going back to T Dot, AGAIN! The first two weeks in June. So for any of our potential visitors, keep this in mind.

And finally... another picture of my ponies!

Let my people come!

Binglerism puts the 'fun' back into fundamentalism!

Ok.... this may be a sign that I need to get a job!

It’s the end of the world as we know it!

Three strange events have occurred at the same time and I am sure that it is a dark omen for all mankind.

Yesterday I buzzed 2 Jehovah Witnesses (or is the plural 'Witni'?) into the building. I had no idea!!!!! They are cleverly disguised as normal people over here. I told them that I didn't speak Dutch and that my dog was bonkers but it didn't deter them too much. They left me The Watchtower. I actually read the whole thing and it made me dislike them even more. These people need a new PR person and an Art Director. The publication is lousy with these creepy little cartoons of Jesus and the Apostles and wacked out visions of the Eden. And people are worried about South Park! It also told me not to be friends with anyone at my school who didn't share my beliefs. I think my favourite line was regarding the evils of astrology - it is a black art, ya know! I thought that was the end of them but James told me that they will be back to collect the Watchtower in a few days. Motha!

The second incident was the fact that I dreamt that Katie Holmes had her baby. And lo and behold, I wake up this morning and news of the TomKitten birth is plastered all over People.com. Freek-kay!

Finally, I was watching TV this morning with my Starbucks freshly brewed coffee in hand and I almost blew it out my nose when I saw a promo for..... wait for it..... The Trailer Park Boys! Complete with Dutch sub-titles. I couldn't believe my eyes! How the hell are they going to translate Bubbles?

So... these are the signs of the apocalypse. I hate to say it but it involves the Jehos, TomKat, and the Trailer Park Boys. If I can muster up the strength to go on, I will continue to post on my blog.

We're all goin' to the Zoo!

We're not sure exactly how Jack scored these two blonde Dutchie girls - but he sure was happy sitting with them at the zoo cafeteria! He'll look back at this picture one day when he is eighteen and be angry with us for leaving Holland.

We spent today at the Artis Zoo in downtown Amsterdam. I absolutely love this zoo because, unlike the Metro Zoo in Toronto, you can actually do the whole park in an afternoon and see all the animals up close. And unlike the last time I took Jack to the Metro Zoo where the animals are in a permanent coma behind some rocks, the animals at the Artis zoo are up moving around and doing stuff. Kinda like the movie Madagascar.

The big hits of the day were:

the lions being fed big hunks of meat
the baboons (Jack asked me why they had apples on their bums)
the snakes
the zebras
the sheep and goats at the petting zoo
the vanilla icecream cone with sprinkles

Now that Easter is over, and Kathy has gone back to Toronto, the next big thing on the agenda is getting Jack ready for The British School. The Spring semester starts next week and he isn't toilet trained yet. Any tips?

Happy Easter

Today was a perfect Spring day - so after we mourned the departure of Kathy, I packed up the family and we headed to Vondel Park. It was packed with people, dogs and bikes... oh and Italians on roller blades.

Jack was tearing up the scene in the Groot Melk House which has the best kids park ever. Zephyr did some sniffing as many of the male dogs over here are intact. And she drank out of the dirty old pond. I hope she doesn't catch beaver fever.

We forgot it was Easter - I know, what kind of parents are we.... but Jack still had the giant chocolate Shrek to gnaw on. The Easter Bunny is going to purchase some 'on sale' candy this week and deliver it next weekend to Apollolaan. (Thanks Nanny for saving our ass on this one.)

I miss her already!

Well Kathy left very early this morning for her journey back to Toronto. I had such a great time with her in A'dam! It was a great feeling being able to show off my new city. Kathy was a real trooper too - she tried everything!

Thanks Kathy for being such an awesome house guest and for letting it all hang out!

Beauty School Drop-out!

Here we are getting ready for a big night on the town! Last night we went to the Supper Club. We had such an amazing time chatting with Redwon (from Germany) and Jack (gay and from Ohio) and two conceited Swedes. We drank, we smoked, we laughed, we coughed.



Kathy got a thai massage done at our table/bed and the woman damn near smothered her.
But it was well worth the billions of dollars that we spent on it. One of the waiter's was wearing a kaftan and a pair of Pumas and he looked sooooo comfortable. I'm thinking of making that my signature look.

Tonight is our last big chance to party. James, Kathy and I are going out for dinner and then we are hitting the Red Light District. What happens in Amsterdam, stays in Amsterdam!

A brand new Darren!

Kathy has found a 'new' Dutch Darren here in Amsterdam. This 'Darren' operates a lovely wine and cheese shop and likes long walks on the beach.

We've been some serious touring since Kathy has been here.


Today we went to Anne Frank house. It's really worth waiting in line for. It was very sad but an important place to go.

Some great quotes from Kathy:

"This is soooo big. I can barely get my mouth around it!"
"I haven't had a bang in a million years."
upon entering a coffeeshop, "You do the talking."

Oh yes, good times... good times! BTW... we love you best Real Darren.

Kathy is in the huis!

Kathy arrived with much fanfare on Saturday. Lil Miss World Traveller. Her luggage was left behind and after a few curt words with Air Canada, it arrived the next day at our door.

So far we have done lots of shopping and Kathy got her "signature" item - a pair of bee-ootiful green boots.

Today we are going to the Jordaan. More deets to follow.

Baby shower gone bad!

I can't believe that this is true! I wanna know why there was a stick just lying around at the baby shower? Maybe they had a baby shower pinata, perhaps?

Pregnant woman beaten at baby shower

SPRINGFIELD, Massachusetts (AP) -- An argument at a baby shower escalated into a brawl in which one man was shot and the pregnant guest of honor was beaten with a stick, police said.

Three people were arrested after the fight, described by police as a "baby shower gone bad."

Authorities said the shooting victim, Aristotle Garcia, got into a fight with a man who is dating his ex-girlfriend. The argument, over whether the woman let their 5-year-old daughter drink beer, escalated.

When the baby shower's hostess tried to intervene, Rivas began hitting some of the guests, including the 22-year-old mother-to-be, with a large stick, she said.

Velazquez fired a gun in the air, then fired it into the crowd, hitting Garcia in the stomach, according to police.

Whew! Tough crowd. I like the beer-swigging toddler detail - puts things into persprective.

In other news, Jack went to the Dr. today and he confirmed that he has a really bad cold and we just have to ride it out. I'm not sure how many more sleep-deprived nights I can take!

Back on Apollolaan

We are back from Toronto and we had a great time despite the fact that we were all sick and then got sick again before leaving. I wish I had more time to see my peeps while I was there but we just ran out of time and there wasn't much use in me passing around the super bug that we all had.

Kathy will be here on the weekend and I am lining up a bunch of things for us to do. Here is the social itinerary so far:

1. Dinner at David's. (our favourite Italian restaurant)
2. Shopping on the Kalverstraat.
3. A canal boat tour.
4. The Van Gogh Museum.
5. A tour of the Red Light District with a possible side excursion into a sex show.
6. Dinner at the Supper Club.
7. Tasting some local herb at a coffee shop.
8. Having a beer in the Leidseplein.
9. Casual stroll through the 9 Streets and the Jordaan.
10. Lot's of wine and cheese.

I can't wait!

Taste my Nokia, Beeotch!

Poor Naomi! She just can't get the hang of using her mobile for communications, ONLY!

NEW YORK (Reuters) -- Supermodel Naomi Campbell was arrested at her Park Avenue home Thursday and charged with assaulting her housekeeper with a cell phone, New York City police said.

A police spokesman said Campbell had been charged with second degree assault for throwing a cell phone at housekeeper Ana Scolavino that struck her in the back of the head and opened a cut that needed four staples to close.

Campbell faces up to seven years in jail if convicted, the prosecutors office said.

And keeping with the Brit twist to this entry, check out London Underground courtesy of my baby-girl in London Town, Bubs. I love the way that the Brits say, "Wanker". How hot is that?

I got to hang with my sidekick, Lee last night. We had a dee-lich carnivore meal at Baton Rouge and they we trundled off to the Rivoli for old times sake. Lee and I have come to the conclusion that we are now officially out of the targetted demographic. Sigh. But the pitcher of Sangria made this feel a little less tragic.