It’s the end of the world as we know it!
Three strange events have occurred at the same time and I am sure that it is a dark omen for all mankind.
Yesterday I buzzed 2 Jehovah Witnesses (or is the plural 'Witni'?) into the building. I had no idea!!!!! They are cleverly disguised as normal people over here. I told them that I didn't speak Dutch and that my dog was bonkers but it didn't deter them too much. They left me The Watchtower. I actually read the whole thing and it made me dislike them even more. These people need a new PR person and an Art Director. The publication is lousy with these creepy little cartoons of Jesus and the Apostles and wacked out visions of the Eden. And people are worried about South Park! It also told me not to be friends with anyone at my school who didn't share my beliefs. I think my favourite line was regarding the evils of astrology - it is a black art, ya know! I thought that was the end of them but James told me that they will be back to collect the Watchtower in a few days. Motha!
The second incident was the fact that I dreamt that Katie Holmes had her baby. And lo and behold, I wake up this morning and news of the TomKitten birth is plastered all over People.com. Freek-kay!
Finally, I was watching TV this morning with my Starbucks freshly brewed coffee in hand and I almost blew it out my nose when I saw a promo for..... wait for it..... The Trailer Park Boys! Complete with Dutch sub-titles. I couldn't believe my eyes! How the hell are they going to translate Bubbles?
So... these are the signs of the apocalypse. I hate to say it but it involves the Jehos, TomKat, and the Trailer Park Boys. If I can muster up the strength to go on, I will continue to post on my blog.
posted by Jayne at 9:35 a.m.
8 Comments:
You can't let the blog end! You must continue. I don't think these are signs of the apocalypse -just a paradigm shift, perhaps.
This could be your calling - Jayne Bingler, a 21st Century prophet. You need to start your own religion - some fundamentalist faction with a hint of Canadiana.
Think Mormon meets Jehovah meets Scientologist. Mix in a little Raelian for flava!
This is just a sign of your calling to a higher level of consciousness. (I really have to stop reading Under the Banner of Heaven!)
Now all you need is a message - smoke a little doobie tonight and wait for all to be revealed.
"Binglerism, a highly spiritual and sensual sect devoted to the holy vessel."
Of course, the vessel contains the most sacred of all things - Red Wine!
3:29 p.m.
I love it! Binglerism. It is perfect. And you know there are enough dumb, aimless people in this world that just might believe in it. Perhaps you can be one of my apostles - ya know to spread the word.
4:06 p.m.
Have we now entered into a covenant, seer?
6:16 p.m.
You might have to change your name though, Sista cuz my momma (the Holy Virgin Cathy Bingler) has dibs on it - being the mother of the messiah - moi! How about High Preistess of the Pentacle Hewak?
6:26 p.m.
Sister Kathy Bingler, fraaack, thasss hilarious. Somebody give Tom Cruise this woman's number - stat! Binglerism DOES have a nice ring to it though...
8:37 p.m.
I want in, too, but only if I get to be belligerent and self-righteous towards those different from me.
2:58 a.m.
Of course! What would be the point of a religion (or cult)if you couldn't marginalize others? FYI, just read on CNN that after 13 years in prison, the Branch Davidians are out... I suppose they'll be looking for some new digs. Too bad I don't play the guitar.
7:54 a.m.
JAYNE! You're right! It IS the end of the world because this just happened!
9:16 p.m.
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